Oh, you, yes, you there! Living in Germany! You want to watch American television you say? Like, real, actual American television not dubbed in German? CURRENT American television? Like season 6 of "Bones" on Fox? Or the new season of "Greek" on ABC Family? Perhaps you are interested in watching a movie on Netflix instant streaming? Or catching up on "30 Rock" on Hulu? Amazon on demand? Well...
Ha, ha! Fuck you! You do not live in America! You live outside of this great country! You must watch last the last season of "Bones," dubbed over in German! Oh, you think you can outsmart itunes and pretend to be living in the states? Itunes knows. Itunes knows! Amazon.com detects that you are not currently in one of the 50 United States. Hulu says "Germany? Where the fuck is Germany???" Netflix will let you make changes to your account, but don't count on watching the 200 movies you have stored in your instant queue.
I feel like my very livelihood is cut off! The first thing I do when I move back home: call Cableone, have my internet and cable set back up, order a pizza from Guidos, stock up on bottles of New Age wine, and not leave the couch in my living room for 72 hours straight, catching up on all the television I have missed while being over here. No more Charlie Sheen in that fucking horrible "Two and a Half Men." No more listening to the German version of Kyra Sedgwick in "The Closer." I am talking real, honest-to-God, fucking amazing American television. Oh Emily Deschanel, how I have missed thee!
Everyday, I have about a 30 minute walk from my apartment to campus, and I've been listening to a lot of Black Eyed Peas and Brandi Carlile because, well, that is all I downloaded to my itunes on my new computer. I've been trying to find some good German music that does not involve what I'm going to call cock-grabbing techno music, and my efforts were in vain until Katrin gave me some cds that she said were "good German music." Boy howdy, was she right! So for all my friends in the states who are looking for good German music (because let's be honest, who the fuck isn't??) here are some recommendations from yours truly:
** Die Happy--not ACTUALLY a band that sings in German, but they are a German band and it is fun to listen to their English lyrics that sometimes don't make any sense. But I love, love, love them. I think I have all their cds now. This is my new band to run to, though. Or just rock the fuck out alone in my room.
** Silbermond--this band DOES sing in German, and it's some great stuff. I imagine that if Brandi Carlile were German and in a band with Uh Huh Her, it would sound like this.
** Wir sind Helden--I would like to compare them to a more upbeat version of Rilo Kiley. I liked them so much I bought another one of their cds. I most definitely reocmmend this (and I think you can actually buy their cds on itunes for pretty cheap).
**Die Aerzte--another good band that sings in German. And their cd came in a pizza box. A fucking pizza box! Genius.
In other news, I've been joking about how I'm going to be coming back the states with adult diabetes with all the pastries and chocolates I'm eating. Well, shit, it might have actually happened yesterday. My eating habits have been a bit weird because I'm in class for a good portion of the day, and if I miss lunch at the Mensa (today's menu included something that looked like what my cat may or may not throw up) then I am on my own. Well yesterday, I got out of class, walked downtown to mail some postcards, picked up some food at the Netto, went to the baeckerei to get bread and this thing called a Berliner, which, come to find out, is the equivalent of a doughnut, and then went to the meat market and picked up some sandwich meat and cheese. I got home around 4:00, made myself a sandwich, ate a banana and then partook in the awesomeness that was the Berliner. About five minutes later, I got incredibly shaky and dizzy, sort of like I had eaten a pot brownie. I started to freak out, thinking I had accidentally consumed a tree nut, and immediately called Brice because I refuse to die in my apartment, only to be find 10 days later half eaten by flies and birds. It took me 5 minutes to dial his number because I was shaking so much, and my vision was completely blurred. Brice and I determined that whatever was happening was not an allergic reaction and I should not shoot myself up with the Epi-Pen because that would only make things worse. I laid down, drank some water, and about 10 minutes later, felt better.
What I learned:
I am no longer consuming sugar. OMG. I think my body is freaking out because I'm not a big sweets eater at home, but I've been so overwhelmed with the selection of fine sugary treats that I think I have to try it all. Plus, they don't use any of that fake sugar in their sodas, and though I'm normally not a soda drinker, I could not get enough of those cola-wiesens! Well, no more (except for the two I had tonight). I'm going to try to eat on a more regular basis, and definitely incorporate more vegetables into my diet. I am not going to die in Germany. I'm worried that my eternal soul will be forced to wander around aimlessly with German souls and I won't be able to communicate with anyone and I'll be miserable for eternity.
Class is still going well, and one of my teachers really likes me for whatever reason. I think it's because I always show up right before class starts and sit in the front and nod at whatever she says. I don't know if she's figured out that I have no fucking clue what she is saying, but I think she enjoys my silent participation. She always asks me questions and I just point. I've become quite a pointer. When ordering food, buying detergent, getting groceries. I just point. I'm trying to speak more German but my God, I SOUND like such an American. And that's even assuming I say the right thing. Case in point:
Tonight at dinner, I wanted to ask the waiter if they had cola-weisen. I said:
Hast du cola-weisen?
Now people who have studied a foreign language that has a formal and informal version of "you" knows that I fucked up big time. Because I should have used the formal version of "you," the question should have been:
Haben Sie cola-weisen?
You know what? At least I fucking tried. I really am trying. Ugh. German makes no sense. I've heard so much German in the past four days that I just want to tear my hair out. I did finally buy a television because we apparently have cable already hooked up to our rooms, and I've been watching a lot of "Law & Order" dubbed in German. And "Grey's Anatomy." And my new favorite: "Popstars: Girls Forever." This week they moved all the girls into the same house. OMG. I love all the drama. I think what I love even more is all the fucking crying. These German girls are fucking pussies! I love it! If you can get on to this site, please watch it:
(why the hell don't links ever work on this fucking site??? http://www.prosieben.de/)
I think it's one of those things you can't fully appreciate until you watch it.
I am now going to bed since I have class early. Again. Balls.
Anyone who knows me knows that I love television. And movies. Almost to the point where it is some sort of sick obsession. Well, not really an obsession as just kind of sad. I've noticed a direct correlation (inverse relationship? I sucked at statistics) between the amount of television I watch and the temperature. As the temperature goes down, the number of hours I spend stretched out on my couch watching my giant television goes up. And when you live in Idaho, that's A LOT of hours of t.v.
Christmas break was spent watching the entirety of "Battlestar Galactica." That's right. Every. Single. Season. From start to finish. By the time I watched the last episode, I was so emotionally drained and torn from reality that I sort of forgot my own name. Is Earth real? Are we all just people from other planets that were destroyed by Cylons? Why do I now have so many MORE unanswered questions about the universe?
I promised myself after that (and a good 10 lbs gained) that I would not be sucked in by any more television shows. It was okay to have one that I had to watch every week, but never again would I park it in front of my television for hours on end, losing entire days watching a show that only distracts me from my actual life and makes me forget how much I hate interacting with people sometimes.
Oh, how quickly I break promises to myself.
I blame Target.
I'd watched "Bones" a few times on TNT over the years, but I never really got into it. The whole premise seemed slightly odd, the acting was a bit over the top, and the story lines were highly improbable. Still, it was an entertaining show and really, what else do you need?
Until one day in February. I was at Target buying face-wash when I happened to meander through the electronics section. And they were having a special on Seasons 1 and 2 of "Bones." Both seasons for $24.99. A total steal! So I bought it. And went home. And watched it. And watched more. And more. Until I was through the first season. And it had only been a week. Shit. I was hooked.
I bought season 3 and my sister bought me season 4 for my birthday, which happened to coincide with spring break.
Do you think I moved from my couch that entire week (when I wasn't at work)? No. No I did not. I got through THREE SEASONS of "Bones" in a week. And subsequently failed an Intermediate Accounting III test because I did not study and instead watched "Bones" (my professor did not think this was a good excuse. I told him at least I was being honest).
There is something so, so wrong about that.
So officially being caught up, I'm now able to watch the show in real time (Thursdays at 7:00 on Fox). And I'm hooked. It's not like I have a class during that time or anything. Wait, shit. I have cost accounting. Oh well. It's not like he takes attendance.
So my obsession with "Bones" is due to several factors:
1. Emily Deschanel is way hot. I mean, really hot. And I noted during tonight's episode that she TOTALLY has knees like me. So now I like her even more.
2. David Boreanaz is pretty hot, too.
3. I feel super, super smart after watching "Bones." Like I have any clue what a neural foraminal stenosis of the C6 vertebral body is. But I can say it. And that's all that matters.
4. I feel comfortable admitting that I can probably kill someone and get away with it. Not that I ever would. I pass out when I see blood.
5. I'm so obsessed with the relationship between Booth and Bones. It's like Mulder and Scully, all that pent up sexual tension. It drives me NUTS. I watch every week to see if Booth and Bones are finally going to...bone...ha ha.
So tonight's episode totally did it for me. I'm not going to insert any spoilers. Just know that if you like "Bones" and if you're obsessed with their relationship like me and you DID NOT watch the 100th episode, get your ass to your computer now and watch it. I cried. Because I've become emotionally attached to characters on a fucking television show.
