Veganism: Day...oh Fuck it...

So I might as well just start the 60-day thing over again. I had a tri-tip sandwich while down in Humboldt County. Oh, and then I had coconut-crusted chicken strips at the Reef. And we had Mother's Day brunch at Berryhill, and there is no point in trying to resist Berryhill Bacon. Not to mention all the pizza I've been eating lately.

I want to know if there are any vegan pot smokers out there. Because quite frankly, I'm trying to imagine a world where you smoke weed and DON'T eat meat or cheese or any dairy for that matter. I mean, who the fuck craves carrots when they're high? Cucumbers? Apples? You're full of shit. If it's mind over matter, I'm guessing I'm just a weak individual. So I'll try the whole vegan thing again soon. I've become quite fond of vegan burgers and vegan hot dogs. And I love the Whole Soy yogurt. It is amazing.

On a completely unrelated note, I just returned from Humboldt County where I ran the Avenue of the Giants half marathon, much against the advice of my orthopedic surgeon. I actually had a fairly decent time, all things considered (in addition to the knee-thing, I caught "the hippie spore" which is what I refer to any sort of illness caught whilst in Humboldt County), and only had a minute time added to my Salt Lake half. Here are a few pictures from beautiful Northern California. Occasionally I miss it, obviously:







And occasionally, I do not miss it or its inhabitants:



Marianne ran her half in record time (2:10), which I attribute to the fact that she is low to the ground and thus able to move faster than me. :) But I'm so lucky to have such an amazing friend who enjoys embarking on these half marathon adventures with me. Here is our before picture:



And here is our after picture:



I know it LOOKS like I have camel toe, but I swear-to-God, that's just the way the pants are cut. I was wearing spandex underneath for shit's sake; there is NO WAY I could have had camel toe.

I also go to see my amazing little sister perform with her band, Straightjacket Stiptease. I'm completely in awe over her awesomeness:



And although I think we look nothing alike, apparently others think we do:



So continuing on my rant, today was officially the WORST DAY EVER. Chances are good I failed my Accounting 308 final, which means I have to take the class again. I swear I'm not an idiot; this shit is just so incredibly fucking BORING. Accounting for governmental and not-for-profit agencies? I should have just told the professor that a) due to certain extracurricular activities, there's no way the government would hire me; and b) who the fuck wants to work for a not-for-profit? I may be slightly altruistic when it comes to donating designer handbags to the Idaho Youth Ranch, but there is no FUCKING way I am working for a not-for-profit.

You may be thinking, "so, you failed a class, there are worse things, yeah"? YEAH, bitch, there are. Like blowing out your knee AGAIN while playing a tennis match that you are clearly dominating, and then having to forfeit because every time you try to run, your knee pops out of place.

FML.

I've cried a lot tonight, which is so stupid because I never cry, but I'd like to thank Vickie for talking to me on the phone while I had a complete and total breakdown, and Nicole for bringing me Blue Cow and listening to what I'm sure was an entirely incomprehensible conversation due to the pain pill I took with my vodka tonic(s). I love you both dearly (even though I just met Nicole, she is fucking awesome).

I'll keep you all posted on the "vegan" thing. BALLS. I'm such a fucking asshole.

Veganism: Day 16

Current weight: 172 lbs (woot woot)

This whole vegan thing is getting much, much easier. In fact, I'm thinking at the end of this whole 60-day stint, I'm going to give up meat permanently (with the exception of salmon, for reasons I will explain below). I haven't actually written about the veganism thing in a while, so here's a brief catch up:

1. Eating out when you're a vegan SUCKS. So cheese is on everything. Literally everything. Every salad, every side dish, every entre has cheese. And if there isn't cheese, there is some form of meat. And if it's not meat, it's butter. And if it's not butter, it's another form of dairy. You get the idea. My diet has consisted of basically salads. And sometimes bread, though you have to be careful with bread because you never know what sort of dairy product may be lurking in there.

So that blows. I'm pretty sure Vickie is ready to beat the shit out of me because I sound like one of those high-maintenance southern California bitches when I order.

2. Cooking on my own has become much simpler. For the first week, I basically didn't eat because I didn't have time to cook. That's something I would put out there for all you would-be vegans: you have to actually have time to prepare a meal that is vegan. Many salads were consumed in my kitchen these past 16-days. And if not salads, I would throw a boca burger on the stove and heat that...with a salad. Tonight I'm attempting this BBQ-ed tofu thing with this pepper salad my mom used to make (minus the feta cheese). After I go to the gym, of course.

3. Tofurkey tastes like, well, what I would imagine fake turkey rolled in cardboard and sprinkled with death would taste like. But tofurkey on a sandwich is FANTASTIC. Particularly with "veganese" (vegans answer to mayo) and vegan cheese. I put some BBQ sauce on mine for a little added kick, and so I don't have to taste the tofurkey. Also, loading up on spinache lettuce is good, too. Ah, I love lunches.




4. My friend Tiffany introduced me to Sunshine vegan burgers, which are also gluten-free. They are quite tasty, though I would like to point out that the big warning label on the box that says "don't burn" isn't there for decorative purposes. If you're considering painting your nails while the burger is cooking, I would highly advise against it.



5. It's time for me to disclose areas where I've cheated in the past 16 days:

--I had salmon ravioli (I'm not entirely sure if there was cheese in it or not) yesterday. We went to Grape Escape, normally known for their amazing salads, and they were out of everything. Literally, everything. I felt sick after I ate it, which may be my body's way of telling me no.

--I ate Guidos on 4/20. I hope this is self-explanatory. I also ate about a pound of strawberries, some edamame, chips and salsa, graham crackers, rice milk ice cream and possibly a salad.

So on a completely different note, I went to the doc today to get the results of my blood work (I have insurance so I might as well get a physical, right?). Apparently, in addition to losing 20 lbs since January, I am extraordinarily healthy with the exception of a few minor details:

1. I have a low HDL cholesterol count. While my "bad" cholesterol level is very low, having a low HDL level can lead to heart disease. So this is why I have to eat salmon, which is fine, because I love salmon. I also need to exercise at least 30 minutes a day. Okay, will do as soon as my knee quits killing me.

2. For whatever reason, I had a higher than acceptable white blood cell count, which is why I had blood drawn again today so they can see if it has gone down. Fun, fun.

So that's my update! Stay tuned!

Day Five (and Sick of Sarah!)

Vodka is vegan...right? Oh what a fantastic night. If you have never heard of Sick of Sarah, check them out! (www.sickofsarah.com)



AMAZING!





Plus, they totally all signed a napkin for my sister, who was super-sad to not be able to see them.

Day Four.

I walked by Guidos today. I'm starting to crack!

Veganism: Day Three

Vegans: you have it rough. I'm not even kidding. You can't eat ANYTHING! Oh. My. God. I'm really feeling for you here. All this time I just kept calling you a bunch of tree-hugging, liberal hippies who didn't know your ass from a piece of meat, but shit, I'm sorry! I don't know how I'm going to sustain myself on your diet for 60 days.

Let's see--for breakfast I had this fantastic gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free blueberry waffle. And by fantastic I actually mean fantastic, for once. It was quite tasty. With some vegan butter on top.

Because I'm a total moron, I forgot to pack a suitable lunch, so I had a bag of carrots, an orange and a soy yogurt. Needless to say by 6:00 p.m. after class, I was about ready to scrape off roadkill on the side of the road and eat it. Instead, decorum prevailed and I went home and made Tessa's famous bean soup. Quite possibly the simplest recipe ever and quite tasty:

1 can garbanzo beans;
1 can kidney beans;
1 can black beans
1 can corn
1 can tomato (I like mine with the jalapenos in it. Gives it a little kick)
1 package taco seasoning (make sure it is vegan)

Mix in large pot and heat. Mmm...mmm...

Normally I eat this covered in cheese and sour cream, but tonight I ate it...plain...

Today was supposed to be my BodyFlow night at Gold's, but my ankle is swollen to high hell, so I'm going to take some pain killers and go to bed. Maybe I'll do a sit-up or something before.

On a different note, I watched "The Virgin Suicides" tonight (thanks, Netflix, for recommending another real winner). Save your time. What a crap movie. Sophia Coppola, that's -2 for you (one for that crap movie and another for "Marie Antoinette." Seriously, Kirsten Dunst can't act unless she's playing a dumb, blond cheerleader).

Veganism: Day One

Weight: 179 lbs.

I debated whether or not to include my weight on this blog, but since I'm actually trying to lose weight via veganism, I thought it was appropriate to track my weight and share it with whomever is out on the Internets reading this.

I went to a party last night and shared with all my friends my quest towards skinniness via food deprivation and my intent to start today. So my friend drove me to Wendy's and demanded that I order a double cheeseburger. And since I always give into peer pressure, I ordered it. And ate it. And it was the most delicious cheeseburger of my life, probably because I knew it would be the last one I would be eating for a while.

So I officially started the vegan diet today. As I mentioned, I planned on continuing to drink milk; however, I feel as though if I'm going to do this thing, I need to go balls out. So I drank the rest of my milk this morning and went and bought (vomit) Soymilk. Vanilla. Light. Gross. This morning I woke up around 9 and had a bowl of Cheerios with (regular, tasty, oh-so-glorious) milk and cleaned my house.



One of the good things about me is that I try to keep myself busy so that I don't have time to just sit around thinking about eating or watching t.v. After I cleaned my house, I went to my soccer game, which was an hour-and-a-half of hell because we had no subs for 2 45-minute halves; then I had to go to my parent's house to help them flip some board or something and then I went grocery shopping. So basically, it's right around 6:37 and the only thing I have had to eat today is that effing bowl of cereal and half a bottle of water. I'm extremely irritable right now. But I am snacking on some chips and salsa, and should I get the motivation, I will go make myself a salad. I did pick up this weird salad at the Co-op, which was the only vegan thing they had at their little pre-made dinner counter, with edamame, spinach and tofu. And you guessed it, it tastes like ass. Sick. But I should probably continue to eat it since it's green. And it was expensive. Trader Joe's, please come to Boise!



So I guess today doesn't really count since I sort of forgot to eat. But I did go to the grocery store to pick up my "vegan" food, and I didn't realize there was so much meatless stuff. Not to mention cheese that is not really cheese but masquerades as cheese and is made from vegetables and soy? Huh? Not entirely sure, but we'll see. There's also vegan butter, vegan mayo, vegan turkey meat that is not really turkey meat, vegan yogurt and these cute little vegan chicken nuggets. Aw, how sweet. I think tomorrow I will make myself a smoothie since I did buy a ton of fruit, which could be one of the only positives about this whole insane thing.



One of the things I'm not going to like about this whole vegan thing is being lumped into a category with "those people." You know the ones I'm talking about:



Hippies. Fucking hippies. I'm with Cartman on this one (and if you haven't seen that episode of "South Park" I suggest you watch it. It is highly entertaining and describes my feelings perfectly towards hippies). I am still a quasi-Republican and do not plan on bathing myself in patchouli or dreading my hair or not showering. Even if I will be buying my groceries in the same aisle as these nimrods. (Not to say that all hippies are nimrods. I'm slightly biased after living amongst them in the hippie-invested lands known as Humboldt County).

My 60-day stint with (quasi) veganism...

Why one should not drink: a few nights ago, my friend, dear bottle of Riesling and I, had a date. We sat on the couch and enjoyed each other's company while we watched "Bones." Well, then of course I had to invite Riesling's other friend, other bottle of Riesling, and a fun time was had by all. I woke up the next morning slightly hungover and trotted on my way to work.

I always check my email in the morning because no one comes into the office until 8:30. I logged in and had an email from Amazon thanking me for my recent purchase. Recent purchase? Huh? I open the email and, sure enough, I had purchased a book entitled _Becoming Vegan: The Complete Guide to Adopting a Healthy Plant-Based Diet_.


I stared at the email for a good 10 seconds, trying to comprehend just what the hell I was thinking, when another email popped up. I opened this one. Oh God. It was worse than I thought. Another email from Amazon thanking me for my recent purchase of _The 100 Best Vegan Baking Recipes: Amazing Cookies, Cakes, Muffins, Pies, Brownies and Breads_ and _The 30-Minute Vegan: Over 175 Quick, Delicious, and Healthy Recipes for Everyday Cooking_. I guess if my drunk self is going to become a vegan, it is going all out.

Now anyone that knows anything about me is aware that my diet is anything but "plant-based." In fact, quite opposite. If we were living in dinosaur-times (the Triassic to Cretaceous period), I would have been a T-Rex or a Raptor, not a Brachiosaurus. A German T-Rex. You get the drift.


But then I thought to myself, "self, maybe this isn't a bad idea." Maybe this is my subconscious (albeit somewhat impaired by alcohol) telling me, "self, you need to be a vegan for your health. You need to be a vegan for the environment and the cute little cows and chickens. Do it!" (It could also be due to the fact that I was watching "Bones" and I'm fairly certain I had just read on google that Emily Deschanel is a hard-core vegan. God I hate google).
(Haha, they totally had a picture of her buying lettuce. A very hot picture of her buying lettuce).

Thus, my decision to embark on what I'm going to call "Sarah's 60-day Stint with (quasi) veganism." I use the term "quasi" because no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to give up milk. I love milk. Plus, I don't want shitty bones when I'm an old lady of 45.

So beginning on Sunday, April 11th, I am going to attempt to be a vegan. I'm going to be documenting the food I eat, my reaction to said foods, my daily disposition as I go through meat-withdrawls, and I'm also going to track my weight loss, because if I do not lose any weight while half-marathon training and on a vegan diet, then I am going to tell Jillian Michaels to shove it, some people are just big-boned.

So please, stay tuned!