Sunday, October 2, 2011

Here comes Fall...

October. By far my favorite month. The weather starts to change, the leaves turn an amazing array of colors, not to mention Halloween. So many things to look forward to in the next 31 days. But after that? November, probably my LEAST favorite month, because it signals the transition from decent weather to full-on winter, and if there is one thing I like only in small doses, it is winter.

I can already tell my body is preparing for what is to come. I spent pretty much the entire weekend trying to get caught up on "Grey's Anatomy." I cannot even remember the last time I watched this show, but thanks to Netflix including it on their instant queue, I was able to watch somewhere around 20 episodes in a 72-hour time frame. That is just not right. But this is what happens. I slowly start to lose the desire to go out and interact with the world, and instead I spend my time holed up in my living room, buried under a fleece blanket in sweatpants and a wife beater, eating soy burgers and drinking cup after cup of tea while watching some television show that will slowly cause me to lose my grip on reality. It is quite unfortunate.

I do not know if this weather change is also causing my already dwindling motivation to drop dramatically, but I want to be finished with school. Now. I am graduating in December, and had pretty much decided that I would re-enroll in the spring to finish my German degree, since I am only five classes away. But I feel burned out. I have been in college now for almost 10 years. 10 years of my life spent doing homework, studying for tests, going to class and quite frankly, I am tired of it. I want to come home from work in the evening and not have to worry about finishing accounting problems or writing essays in German or doing stupid, stupid blackboard posts. I just want to be finished.

I think part of this is also stemming from the fact that I have been working for three years for my accounting degree, and I have absolutely no desire to be an accountant. I would quit now if it weren't for the fact that I am taking my last class. But it all seems so pointless now. Just what exactly am I supposed to do with my life? So fantastic, I have these degrees, one which I really, really enjoyed getting (English) but that will make me absolutely no money, and another than sucks the very life out of me (Accounting) but will guarantee me a steady job.

And then there is the whole German thing. What would be the point of getting a German degree, other than the fact that it is another diploma I can put on my wall? I think what I liked so much about learning German in Germany was that it did not feel like work. It didn't feel like such a hassle to do these assignments and go to class, because the entire thing was an immersion, a different way of learning. I just cannot get on board learning German here. I love German, and I want to be in Germany to learn it. Not enrolled at Boise State. I know I bitched non-stop about the fact that I was forced to speak German while living in Saarbr├╝cken but truth be told, I like it far more than being forced to speak in class here, giving presentations on things that I really do not care about. I have a hard enough time with history in English...learning German history in German (and we are talking EARLY German history) just is not something that interests me.

I am interested to see how all of this unfolds. Right now there are several variables that are unaccounted for that will influence my decisions one way or another. I can only hope that this is all unfolding the way it is supposed to, and if I decide that this is it, that I am finished with college after this, that it is the right decision.

In the meantime, I am going to carve some pumpkins, eat an insane amount of candy corn, and probably throw a party where we bob for apples in vodka. Because every once in a while, it is important to step back from all the bullshit that weighs us down as adults, put on a pair of sweatpants, mix a cocktail and watch a bazillion hours of television.