Well, folks. It is official: in exactly 90 days I will leave the Vaterland and head back to my cozy little bubble of awesomeness that is the United States! I am starting to freak out a little, because I know the inevitable question on everyone's mind back in Idaho is "so, Sarah...are you fluent in German now"? The good thing is, given the lack of German speakers in Idaho, I can lie and say yes and spout a bunch of random words in German (coupled with my super sexy American accent...eye roll here) and no one will be any the wiser. Well, except for my German professors next semester, who will start babbling to me auf Deutsch and expect me to understand. I have a feeling they are going to get the same blank stare I give to everyone here. And then they will wonder just how big of an idiot I actually am.
But here is the question: can anyone just attain complete proficiency in another language in just a year? I mean, okay, I am sure there are people, but normal people? People like me, who may be a little past their prime? I wonder how things would have been different if I had gone to say, Spain. I think having a little bit of background to a language when you are younger is exponentially helpful. Jumping into a language like German...super smart, Sarah. Especially given the prevalence of Deutsch in the states. But I refuse to give up. I may not be fluent by the time I get back...hell, I might not even be able to understand people, but I am not giving up on German. And dammit all, if I have children, fuck a nice Hispanic nanny. Oh no. I am finding Helga von Teufel to whip those little bastards into shape. They will speak German. Maybe Chinese. Oh yes, future kids. Get your shit ready.
I have managed to plan the rest of my European adventures and I gotta say, there are some fun times in my future. München, Garmisch, Köln, Paris, Amsterdam, Berlin, San Sebastian. I am going to become a well-rounded, traveled Republican. And it will be glorious. And I am very excited about my sister and my friends coming to visit. It is nice to have something to look forward to every month; I think it will make the remainder of my time here go by a lot faster.
Oh, and tomorrow I am (hopefully) FINALLY going to get my hair cut. It has been 5 months, and anyone with fine, thinning hair knows that going 5 months without a haircut is pretty much on par with never eating vegetables. I look something scary right now...one side is way shorter than the other, and my layers are so not working. This should be a fun adventure! Holla!
Showing posts with label language. Show all posts
Showing posts with label language. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
my dreams even mock me...
I woke up this morning around 7:30, which really bugged me because I did not have class today, and thus had the opportunity to sleep in (okay, I lie. I actually DID have class today, at 8:00, but lets be honest: waking up at 7:30 did not give me nearly enough time to get ready and out the door, so I might as well sleep the rest of the morning, yeah??) Anyway, I think me waking up at 7:30 was my subconscious telling me to quit being a lazy mother fucker, but normally I can shut that little voice in the back of my mind right the fuck up with an Ambien or Chamomile tea. Or both. I decided to go back to bed and sleep until noon. Noon is a good time to wake up, right?
The problem with waking up when the sun is coming up and trying to sleep through its bright, penetrating rays (what sun? There is no sun in this country! I mean the varying shades of gray that the sun illuminates) is that when I dream, my dreams are so realistic that I cannot differentiate between what is real and what is not. Last week when I fell asleep (er, passed out) on Estelle's couch, I woke up in a panic around 10 a.m., convinced that someone had shot a bullet through their window, trying to kill us. I scrambled up and checked the integrity of the window, making sure it had not been compromised by deadly weapons. It is not a good way to wake up. Thank God I didn't pee.
I digress. So I woke up this morning and drank some tea and went back to bed. I woke up, I think, around 10:30, but I had this dream that I was trying to speak German with some people at a restaurant, and they were making fun of the way I said "aber." And I kept insisting that I was not saying it any differently than them, but they just kept laughing. It was like being in my underwear in front of a large crowd of people. Okay, wait. I have done that. It wasn't so bad. Maybe this is more like being naked in front of a large group of people....wait...shit...Anyway, when I woke up, I could not figure out if this had actually happened, or if it was a construction of my overactive and self-conscious imagination. I am pretty sure, somewhere along the line, someone has made fun of something that I have said in German. Fuck, I would make fun of me if I heard me trying to speak German. I sound so terrible, there is no point in me even getting upset over it. I just have to laugh.
But the more I thought about this dream or memory or whatever, the more pissed off I got. What the fuck, dreams?? My subconscious is now making fun of me?? What would Freud say about all this? Probably that it has something to do with lack of sex or my preoccupation with my father or some shit like that (and just so we are all clear, I DO NOT dream about my father like that). Which then got me thinking even more: what if we are all subconsciously programmed to be self-destructive? I mean, I am a fairly confident person, most of the time. At least I would like to think I am. But what if deep down, I am hard-wired to be self-defeating and critical of everything I do?
Whoa. It was a little too much for me to handle this early in the morning. Why do I have to over think everything?? Two nights ago, I watched "Fear" with Marky Mark and Reese Witherspoon. Every time I watch that movie, I always find myself, at the end, analyzing the perceptions of female sexuality and what the movie is actually saying about female virginity, and then I stop myself mid-thought and think "what the fuck, Sarah?? It is a fucking Marky Mark movie! You are analyzing a Marky Mark movie! You are such a fucking tool."
But I decided, instead of letting my dreams, which may or may not be based on actual events, get me down, that I was going to actually study for my test tomorrow. And I have been studying for about an hour now, which I can safely say is the longest I have sat in one spot concentrating on one thing in, like, years. Pardon my ADHD. But I think an hour is my limit, hence the blog. And now I am going to shower.
The problem with waking up when the sun is coming up and trying to sleep through its bright, penetrating rays (what sun? There is no sun in this country! I mean the varying shades of gray that the sun illuminates) is that when I dream, my dreams are so realistic that I cannot differentiate between what is real and what is not. Last week when I fell asleep (er, passed out) on Estelle's couch, I woke up in a panic around 10 a.m., convinced that someone had shot a bullet through their window, trying to kill us. I scrambled up and checked the integrity of the window, making sure it had not been compromised by deadly weapons. It is not a good way to wake up. Thank God I didn't pee.
I digress. So I woke up this morning and drank some tea and went back to bed. I woke up, I think, around 10:30, but I had this dream that I was trying to speak German with some people at a restaurant, and they were making fun of the way I said "aber." And I kept insisting that I was not saying it any differently than them, but they just kept laughing. It was like being in my underwear in front of a large crowd of people. Okay, wait. I have done that. It wasn't so bad. Maybe this is more like being naked in front of a large group of people....wait...shit...Anyway, when I woke up, I could not figure out if this had actually happened, or if it was a construction of my overactive and self-conscious imagination. I am pretty sure, somewhere along the line, someone has made fun of something that I have said in German. Fuck, I would make fun of me if I heard me trying to speak German. I sound so terrible, there is no point in me even getting upset over it. I just have to laugh.
But the more I thought about this dream or memory or whatever, the more pissed off I got. What the fuck, dreams?? My subconscious is now making fun of me?? What would Freud say about all this? Probably that it has something to do with lack of sex or my preoccupation with my father or some shit like that (and just so we are all clear, I DO NOT dream about my father like that). Which then got me thinking even more: what if we are all subconsciously programmed to be self-destructive? I mean, I am a fairly confident person, most of the time. At least I would like to think I am. But what if deep down, I am hard-wired to be self-defeating and critical of everything I do?
Whoa. It was a little too much for me to handle this early in the morning. Why do I have to over think everything?? Two nights ago, I watched "Fear" with Marky Mark and Reese Witherspoon. Every time I watch that movie, I always find myself, at the end, analyzing the perceptions of female sexuality and what the movie is actually saying about female virginity, and then I stop myself mid-thought and think "what the fuck, Sarah?? It is a fucking Marky Mark movie! You are analyzing a Marky Mark movie! You are such a fucking tool."
But I decided, instead of letting my dreams, which may or may not be based on actual events, get me down, that I was going to actually study for my test tomorrow. And I have been studying for about an hour now, which I can safely say is the longest I have sat in one spot concentrating on one thing in, like, years. Pardon my ADHD. But I think an hour is my limit, hence the blog. And now I am going to shower.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Language schmanguage
First off, I would like someone to explain to me why there are dance clubs open in Saarbrücken on a Thursday night until the wee hours of the morning. Really? It is Thursday! I feel like my old age is finally catching up to me, and not being the young lass I once was, staying out and partying until the sun comes up on a school night is kicking my ass. Ah, remember when we were all once young and had livers like champion Deutsch beer drinkers? Yeah, those days are long gone.
Yesterday was one of those shitty German speaking days, and I felt like I only understood about 20% of what was going on around me. See, I have good days and I have bad days. On the good days, I feel like I am finally understanding German: when people talk to me, I know exactly (okay, sort of) what they are saying, and I can answer with some degree of certainty. On the bad days, though. Ugh. I just want to stay in my room and watch "Glee" in English and drink hot chocolate. People start talking and I follow for about 10 seconds before I stare past them up at the sky. "Oh look, a bird." And then comes the moment of truth when there is a slight rise in the other persons voice at the end of their sentence, indicating that I am supposed to say something. That is about the point where I get that dumbfounded look on my face (you know, the one ADD kids get when they have just been caught with their faces plastered against the windows staring at God only knows what) and ask "Was"? And I love the question "Verstehst du"? Yeah, nein. Not at all. This seemed to happen on a fairly consistent basis yesterday.
But I realized something talking (playing charades) with Estelle: I have been accused of being lazy for not speaking more German here, but it is not because I am lazy. It is because I am embarrassed (well, okay, I am slightly lazy, but come on. Sometimes a good ol English quip really drives the point home). Estelle told me she doesn't speak English much because she thinks she sounds bad. Christ, I KNOW I sound like shit when I speak German, so I opt to take the easy road and speak English. Because I get embarrassed. Because I hate it when I talk and people cannot understand me. It is very frustrating to be THIS old and have the communication skills of a three year old. It is even worse when people get annoyed or impatient or what have you because then YOU feel like sheiße. I only speak German around Estelle, I guess mainly because yeah, she does not speak English, but also because somehow, she understands me, and I don't feel like a giant asshole when I talk. Fuck, I am surprised she understands me at all. Even though sentences feel backwards to me, I am sure me translating a sentence from English to German and using the English construct of that sentence is fucking ridiculous to the Germans. Why cant German be like Spanish???
But it is easy for me to forget that I am not the only person in the world that is having this problem. I am not the first person to feel like an ass when I speak another language. THIS is not my native language! Lord, it feels more times than not that it is not even close to English! If I could be fluent in a language after three months, I would move to a new country four times a year.
Oh, also, I switched my keyboard from English to German so I could type the umlauts with more ease. But fuck if I can find the apostrophe key now. So I don't want any of you to think that I am making grammatical errors. I never make grammatical errors (haha). I just cant find the fucking key, and spellcheck does not always catch it.
Okay, I am off to pack. We are going to Nuremberg today. I am pretty damn stoked about this!
Yesterday was one of those shitty German speaking days, and I felt like I only understood about 20% of what was going on around me. See, I have good days and I have bad days. On the good days, I feel like I am finally understanding German: when people talk to me, I know exactly (okay, sort of) what they are saying, and I can answer with some degree of certainty. On the bad days, though. Ugh. I just want to stay in my room and watch "Glee" in English and drink hot chocolate. People start talking and I follow for about 10 seconds before I stare past them up at the sky. "Oh look, a bird." And then comes the moment of truth when there is a slight rise in the other persons voice at the end of their sentence, indicating that I am supposed to say something. That is about the point where I get that dumbfounded look on my face (you know, the one ADD kids get when they have just been caught with their faces plastered against the windows staring at God only knows what) and ask "Was"? And I love the question "Verstehst du"? Yeah, nein. Not at all. This seemed to happen on a fairly consistent basis yesterday.
But I realized something talking (playing charades) with Estelle: I have been accused of being lazy for not speaking more German here, but it is not because I am lazy. It is because I am embarrassed (well, okay, I am slightly lazy, but come on. Sometimes a good ol English quip really drives the point home). Estelle told me she doesn't speak English much because she thinks she sounds bad. Christ, I KNOW I sound like shit when I speak German, so I opt to take the easy road and speak English. Because I get embarrassed. Because I hate it when I talk and people cannot understand me. It is very frustrating to be THIS old and have the communication skills of a three year old. It is even worse when people get annoyed or impatient or what have you because then YOU feel like sheiße. I only speak German around Estelle, I guess mainly because yeah, she does not speak English, but also because somehow, she understands me, and I don't feel like a giant asshole when I talk. Fuck, I am surprised she understands me at all. Even though sentences feel backwards to me, I am sure me translating a sentence from English to German and using the English construct of that sentence is fucking ridiculous to the Germans. Why cant German be like Spanish???
But it is easy for me to forget that I am not the only person in the world that is having this problem. I am not the first person to feel like an ass when I speak another language. THIS is not my native language! Lord, it feels more times than not that it is not even close to English! If I could be fluent in a language after three months, I would move to a new country four times a year.
Oh, also, I switched my keyboard from English to German so I could type the umlauts with more ease. But fuck if I can find the apostrophe key now. So I don't want any of you to think that I am making grammatical errors. I never make grammatical errors (haha). I just cant find the fucking key, and spellcheck does not always catch it.
Okay, I am off to pack. We are going to Nuremberg today. I am pretty damn stoked about this!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
oh, Weihnachten...
First off, it is cold. Lets just get that out of the way now. There is a ridiculous amount of snow on the ground, the sidewalks are frozen over, and I am eating like a bear preparing for hibernation. I am fairly certain that I have gained at least 10 pounds in the past week. At this rate, I am going to need to purchase another seat to fly back to the states in 2 weeks. And I wish that were me being factitious.
I have also switched my keyboard over to the German keyboard, so it is easier for me to write things like ä and ß and ö. The problem now is that I cannot find other keys I once used. Like the apostrophe. Where the HELL is it? And the z and the y are backwards. My brain does not seem to want to process this. So I keep writing mz instead of my. Awesome.
But I will say this: despite the fact that it is freezing and despite the fact that my ass is now up for its own zip code, I love this time of year. Especially here in Germany. It is so beautiful. And the Weihnachtsmarkts (Christmas Markets)? Dear America: take a clue from Germany and start setting these up. And get some glühwein. I feel like my life up to this point has been incomplete, and that missing piece was glühwein. I cannot even begin to describe the awesomeness that is this hot German Christmas drink. I wish I could bring some back home with me.
Last weekend we went to the Weihnachtsmarkts in Heidelberg, which is one of the most beautiful cities I have ever seen. I really want to go back in the spring when it is not freezing and spend longer than a day there. I will be putting pictures up soon in another blog, as I am far too lazy right now to upload and photo edit all of them. Yeah, I said it. But this weekend, we are going to Nuremberg, which has one of the most famous Weihnachtsmarkts in the world. I am pretty damn stoked about this. I am doing the majority of my Christmas gift shopping there. Hopefully I can fit everything in my suitcase.
In other news, I actually found a German who doesn't speak much English, and she doesn't mind talking to me in German, even though I am sure I make absolutely no sense. It is very nice for me, though, because most of the time, Germans do not want to wait for me to figure out how to say something in German, or if I do not understand, they start speaking English. But because Estelle doesn't speak much English, I basically have to figure out how to say what I want to say in German, and this has been awesome. I feel like in the past week Ive spoken more German than I have in the four months I have been here. Not to mention she is one of the only Germans I have met that I understand the majority of the time. If she says something I do not understand, she will explain it to me differently. If that doesn't work then yes, we use google translate. But given how shitty my German is, I am so grateful that she is so patient with me. I don't feel like a giant asshole when I talk with her, which has been my biggest problem here. Oh, not to mention, she is actually my age and she drinks like me. I have found my German twin!
And we have now reached less than 20 days on the "Sarah returns to America" countdown. I am so excited to see my friends and family. I have missed everyone so much. Lets hope I don't forget all the Deutsch I have learned.
I have also switched my keyboard over to the German keyboard, so it is easier for me to write things like ä and ß and ö. The problem now is that I cannot find other keys I once used. Like the apostrophe. Where the HELL is it? And the z and the y are backwards. My brain does not seem to want to process this. So I keep writing mz instead of my. Awesome.
But I will say this: despite the fact that it is freezing and despite the fact that my ass is now up for its own zip code, I love this time of year. Especially here in Germany. It is so beautiful. And the Weihnachtsmarkts (Christmas Markets)? Dear America: take a clue from Germany and start setting these up. And get some glühwein. I feel like my life up to this point has been incomplete, and that missing piece was glühwein. I cannot even begin to describe the awesomeness that is this hot German Christmas drink. I wish I could bring some back home with me.
Last weekend we went to the Weihnachtsmarkts in Heidelberg, which is one of the most beautiful cities I have ever seen. I really want to go back in the spring when it is not freezing and spend longer than a day there. I will be putting pictures up soon in another blog, as I am far too lazy right now to upload and photo edit all of them. Yeah, I said it. But this weekend, we are going to Nuremberg, which has one of the most famous Weihnachtsmarkts in the world. I am pretty damn stoked about this. I am doing the majority of my Christmas gift shopping there. Hopefully I can fit everything in my suitcase.
In other news, I actually found a German who doesn't speak much English, and she doesn't mind talking to me in German, even though I am sure I make absolutely no sense. It is very nice for me, though, because most of the time, Germans do not want to wait for me to figure out how to say something in German, or if I do not understand, they start speaking English. But because Estelle doesn't speak much English, I basically have to figure out how to say what I want to say in German, and this has been awesome. I feel like in the past week Ive spoken more German than I have in the four months I have been here. Not to mention she is one of the only Germans I have met that I understand the majority of the time. If she says something I do not understand, she will explain it to me differently. If that doesn't work then yes, we use google translate. But given how shitty my German is, I am so grateful that she is so patient with me. I don't feel like a giant asshole when I talk with her, which has been my biggest problem here. Oh, not to mention, she is actually my age and she drinks like me. I have found my German twin!
And we have now reached less than 20 days on the "Sarah returns to America" countdown. I am so excited to see my friends and family. I have missed everyone so much. Lets hope I don't forget all the Deutsch I have learned.
Friday, November 19, 2010
aaaand...first quarter down!
Wow. As of today, I have been in Deutschland for three months. That's 13 weeks. Holy shit, that is 91 days. 91 days of living in Germany. It's a little daunting to put an actual number on it like that.
Incidentally enough, this milestone marker also came on a week where I got a rather, how shall we say, blunt wake-up call. A much needed wake-up call, I think. I went out Wednesday night with Alex and Julia and met their friends, Q and Nathalie. Wednesday I was sort of on German overload, so I always take opportunities to just speak English with people. And truth be told, I think there are some people who do not mind this, as I've found a lot of Germans want to work on their English conversational skills. However, this probably does nothing to improve my German. Probably? Ha. It doesn't. Okay, I admit that.
We went to a bar called Home, which was actually quite lovely, and the majority of the conversation was in German, obviously. I was the only one there who did not speak German. Julia would occasionally translate things for me, at least what I could not follow, and I would answer in English, because either I didn't know the words or I just didn't want to take the time to form the sentence into German. And I'm afraid I still sound terrible when I actually try to speak German.
At some point during this evening, Nathalie interrupted me as I was speaking English and said to me, "No more English. You speak German." I kind of looked at her funny and explained that I didn't know how to answer in German, and she responded "it does not matter. You are in Germany, you speak German. I do not come to your country and expect people to speak German to me. You Americans, you are so lazy. You expect me to speak English in my own country. I met a boy last week, an American, and he only speaks English to me. Because he is lazy. No. Speak German." I just kind of stared at her for a moment because, wow, I'd just met this girl and already she had ripped me a new asshole. She then informed me that I had until Friday to learn German.
Normally when someone is this confrontational with me right off the bat, I immediately go into defensive mode and get bitchy right back. But I couldn't. Because she was right. Oh my God, she was right. I was such a lazy American. The entire time I have been here in Germany, I really have not made an effort to speak German. If I find out someone is able to understand and speak English, I speak English with them. Because it is easier. Because I am, dare I say it, lazy. I'm lazy and I'm afraid of sounding like an idiot. I guess that is the type-A personality in me: if I'm going to do something, I wanted to do it perfectly immediately. And I just can't do that with language. I actually have to get out and talk with people and make mistakes and learn from those mistakes, or I'm never going to learn anything.
So there it is. I do not think it is a mere coincidence that I met Nathalie on my three-month marker. I don't believe in coincidences. I believe this was something that needed to happen because good Christ, I'm in Germany! I have Germans at my disposal! It's not like at home where you're with your tight-knit group of German students and teachers (because really, who speaks fluent German in Boise? A handful of people, maybe) and you're forced to interact with them in order to improve you language skills. No. I'm in Germany, with real, honest-to-God German people, German television, German libraries, and German movies. I have to order food in restaurants in German. I have to buy train tickets and bus tickets and whatever else in German. I need to start speaking German to people. Even if I sound like the biggest moron. Even if I make mistakes and get my sentences backwards and basically make a clusterfuck of a once comprehendable idea. So that is what I'm going to do. Before I go home in exactly 28 days, I am going to speak German with people. Or at least try. I reserve the right to default back to English should someone not understand me at all.
So thank you, Nathalie. You may be one of my favorite people in Germany.
Incidentally enough, this milestone marker also came on a week where I got a rather, how shall we say, blunt wake-up call. A much needed wake-up call, I think. I went out Wednesday night with Alex and Julia and met their friends, Q and Nathalie. Wednesday I was sort of on German overload, so I always take opportunities to just speak English with people. And truth be told, I think there are some people who do not mind this, as I've found a lot of Germans want to work on their English conversational skills. However, this probably does nothing to improve my German. Probably? Ha. It doesn't. Okay, I admit that.
We went to a bar called Home, which was actually quite lovely, and the majority of the conversation was in German, obviously. I was the only one there who did not speak German. Julia would occasionally translate things for me, at least what I could not follow, and I would answer in English, because either I didn't know the words or I just didn't want to take the time to form the sentence into German. And I'm afraid I still sound terrible when I actually try to speak German.
At some point during this evening, Nathalie interrupted me as I was speaking English and said to me, "No more English. You speak German." I kind of looked at her funny and explained that I didn't know how to answer in German, and she responded "it does not matter. You are in Germany, you speak German. I do not come to your country and expect people to speak German to me. You Americans, you are so lazy. You expect me to speak English in my own country. I met a boy last week, an American, and he only speaks English to me. Because he is lazy. No. Speak German." I just kind of stared at her for a moment because, wow, I'd just met this girl and already she had ripped me a new asshole. She then informed me that I had until Friday to learn German.
Normally when someone is this confrontational with me right off the bat, I immediately go into defensive mode and get bitchy right back. But I couldn't. Because she was right. Oh my God, she was right. I was such a lazy American. The entire time I have been here in Germany, I really have not made an effort to speak German. If I find out someone is able to understand and speak English, I speak English with them. Because it is easier. Because I am, dare I say it, lazy. I'm lazy and I'm afraid of sounding like an idiot. I guess that is the type-A personality in me: if I'm going to do something, I wanted to do it perfectly immediately. And I just can't do that with language. I actually have to get out and talk with people and make mistakes and learn from those mistakes, or I'm never going to learn anything.
So there it is. I do not think it is a mere coincidence that I met Nathalie on my three-month marker. I don't believe in coincidences. I believe this was something that needed to happen because good Christ, I'm in Germany! I have Germans at my disposal! It's not like at home where you're with your tight-knit group of German students and teachers (because really, who speaks fluent German in Boise? A handful of people, maybe) and you're forced to interact with them in order to improve you language skills. No. I'm in Germany, with real, honest-to-God German people, German television, German libraries, and German movies. I have to order food in restaurants in German. I have to buy train tickets and bus tickets and whatever else in German. I need to start speaking German to people. Even if I sound like the biggest moron. Even if I make mistakes and get my sentences backwards and basically make a clusterfuck of a once comprehendable idea. So that is what I'm going to do. Before I go home in exactly 28 days, I am going to speak German with people. Or at least try. I reserve the right to default back to English should someone not understand me at all.
So thank you, Nathalie. You may be one of my favorite people in Germany.
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