Friday, January 28, 2011

the little gnomes that live in my room.

I swear they do. They have to. I have started to notice that little things are going missing. I am down to one knife. One. I started out with five. Knives just don't up and disappear. My life is not an episode of "Law and Order." I am not concealing crucial evidence. And Christ, these knives aren't even sharp enough to cause any real damage. It takes all my strength to cut through an effing tomato!

And pairs of socks. Like entire pairs. At least these little fuckers are considerate and take both socks instead of just one. There is nothing more irritating than only being able to find one fucking sock.

And my freaking bottle opener. My really nice bottle opener that has a lovely Universität des Saarlandes logo on it. Gone. Without a trace. Which means that these little gnomes are probably hiding under my bed, using my knives, socks and bottle opener in some strange, fetish-y way that I do not even want to think about. Pervy little gnomes.

Anyhoo, I am sitting here on a Friday night in my room blogging because I just do not have the energy to go out tonight. But the good thing about living sort of on campus...when I get bored and want people to come over, they are just a phone call away, and probably live within walking distance. It is hard for me to remember whether or not I had a social life on the weekends back in Boise. It seems to me that I was so exhausted by the end of the week that more likely than not, I spent my Friday nights catching up on all my favorite television shows, eating pizza and drinking wine with my cats. Is that pathetic? When did I become THAT person??

But is there really anything wrong with wanting to be alone after spending an entire week interacting with people (mostly BSU students) who I find to be incredibly draining with their competitive and antisocial personalities (and cue the accounting department)? I do no think so. Some of my friends seem to, however. I do not know. I have always been fine entertaining myself. Fuck me, I am the funniest person I know. I mean, I will not deny that more than once, I have probably gotten inebriated and turned up music really loud and lip-synched to my reflection in my bathroom mirror while prancing around in my underwear. Who WOULDN'T be jealous of a weekend full of that? It just has fun written all over it.

But tonight, I have some people coming over to my closet of a dorm room and we are going to eat pizza and drink and watch "RED" ENGLISH. See, I am getting better about including people in my naked dancing lip-synch-a-thons!

In other news, I bitch-slapped my test in my class today with a fucking 2x4. Ha ha, fuck you, test! You are my bitch now! We will see how cocky I am after my grammar test on Tuesday, however. I am fairly certain that the vast majority of the test will consist of me, and I quote directly from the worksheet I have sitting in front of me, "Wandeln Sie die Partizipialkonstruktionen in Relativesätze um." Well fuck me sideways, I do not even know what that means! I do not even think that is a real word. Why the Germans insist upon shoving all their words together to make one giant word is beyond me. And how do they have enough air in their lungs to pronounce some of these words??? Everyone over here smokes! I know that has to affect their lung capacity! I think it must have something to do with years of German breeding. It only makes sense. Germans are bred to drink beer, watch fußball, smoke copious amounts of tobacco and pronounce insanely long words that make no sense to everyone else on the planet while sounding like they are going to beat the shit out of you for existing.

Someone today also told me that I needed to work on my German accent, because I sound too American. I am not entirely sure I want to sound like a dominatrix. I think I have a commanding voice anyway; I think if you couple that with angry German hacking and spitting, it is just going to be too much for people in America. Someones head might explode. I cannot be responsible for heads exploding. But I think my American accent over here is cute. The Germans probably find it super annoying. But whatever.

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