Crazy People

For reasons I cannot readily explain, I like to do things that I know for a fact to be terrible for me. It is amazing to me that I have managed to function as a somewhat competent adult until now, but I really do worry about what the future may hold for me. I think, due to my unwavering dedication to anything and anyone that I feel truly passionate about, the fact that every once in a while I indulge in these little experiences of self-deprecating madness, I may be okay. But not before these experiences take a toll on me, physically and mentally.

To clear the air right now, I am not talking about my love of partying. Granted, this in and of itself is not good for me, I have slowed down quite a bit in my old age. You reach a point, somewhere in your mid-20s, where you realize that engaging in such reckless and irresponsible behavior just isn't fun anymore. Not to mention that I am beginning to greatly dislike losing control to the point where I cannot remember things. But it is an experience, yeah?

By engaging in things that are bad for me, I am referring to my unavoidable obsession with becoming unhealthily attached to people who I know are not good for me. And not good for me may be a bit harsh. It is not really that these people are not good for me, but due to the physical, mental, or psychological unavailability of said person, I find myself giving a lot more to these relationships than they deserve, and this has left me a bit of a wreck. It is both exhausting and disheartening to invest in these relationships, but I cannot stop. What is it with me and latching onto people who are, for whatever shortcoming of their own (or is it my own shortcoming?), unable to return a friendship or relationship with the same level of commitment I do? And why the hell can I not dump these people? It is not like I am hard-pressed for friends. I have never regarded myself as someone who is desperate for human interaction, but it is these stupid relationships that leave me questioning the state of the world and humanity as we know it.

Now this is not to say that everyone I meet falls into this category. In fact, far from it. I have some of the best friends anyone could ask for. I have met some of the best people you could ever hope to meet. It is these little hiccups along the road, however, that remind me why it is so hard to make new friends. People are insane. Everyone. Me more so than others, I will be honest. But I need to set a limit on just HOW MUCH insanity I can deal with. And why cant people display their true colors early on in a relationship? Why do they have to wait, four, five, six months to unleash their craziness on me? I am on to you, crazy people!

This blog was not sparked by any particular person or any recent event. It is something that has been building in me for a while, and since people are bored on a Friday at work, I figured why not share it. I think this is something everyone goes through at some point: you find a person that you give so much of yourself to and it just is not reciprocated. At what point do you just cut your loses and run?

aaaaaand we are back!

Well, folks. It is official: in exactly 90 days I will leave the Vaterland and head back to my cozy little bubble of awesomeness that is the United States! I am starting to freak out a little, because I know the inevitable question on everyone's mind back in Idaho is "so, Sarah...are you fluent in German now"? The good thing is, given the lack of German speakers in Idaho, I can lie and say yes and spout a bunch of random words in German (coupled with my super sexy American accent...eye roll here) and no one will be any the wiser. Well, except for my German professors next semester, who will start babbling to me auf Deutsch and expect me to understand. I have a feeling they are going to get the same blank stare I give to everyone here. And then they will wonder just how big of an idiot I actually am.

But here is the question: can anyone just attain complete proficiency in another language in just a year? I mean, okay, I am sure there are people, but normal people? People like me, who may be a little past their prime? I wonder how things would have been different if I had gone to say, Spain. I think having a little bit of background to a language when you are younger is exponentially helpful. Jumping into a language like German...super smart, Sarah. Especially given the prevalence of Deutsch in the states. But I refuse to give up. I may not be fluent by the time I get back...hell, I might not even be able to understand people, but I am not giving up on German. And dammit all, if I have children, fuck a nice Hispanic nanny. Oh no. I am finding Helga von Teufel to whip those little bastards into shape. They will speak German. Maybe Chinese. Oh yes, future kids. Get your shit ready.

I have managed to plan the rest of my European adventures and I gotta say, there are some fun times in my future. München, Garmisch, Köln, Paris, Amsterdam, Berlin, San Sebastian. I am going to become a well-rounded, traveled Republican. And it will be glorious. And I am very excited about my sister and my friends coming to visit. It is nice to have something to look forward to every month; I think it will make the remainder of my time here go by a lot faster.

Oh, and tomorrow I am (hopefully) FINALLY going to get my hair cut. It has been 5 months, and anyone with fine, thinning hair knows that going 5 months without a haircut is pretty much on par with never eating vegetables. I look something scary right now...one side is way shorter than the other, and my layers are so not working. This should be a fun adventure! Holla!