Crazy People

For reasons I cannot readily explain, I like to do things that I know for a fact to be terrible for me. It is amazing to me that I have managed to function as a somewhat competent adult until now, but I really do worry about what the future may hold for me. I think, due to my unwavering dedication to anything and anyone that I feel truly passionate about, the fact that every once in a while I indulge in these little experiences of self-deprecating madness, I may be okay. But not before these experiences take a toll on me, physically and mentally.

To clear the air right now, I am not talking about my love of partying. Granted, this in and of itself is not good for me, I have slowed down quite a bit in my old age. You reach a point, somewhere in your mid-20s, where you realize that engaging in such reckless and irresponsible behavior just isn't fun anymore. Not to mention that I am beginning to greatly dislike losing control to the point where I cannot remember things. But it is an experience, yeah?

By engaging in things that are bad for me, I am referring to my unavoidable obsession with becoming unhealthily attached to people who I know are not good for me. And not good for me may be a bit harsh. It is not really that these people are not good for me, but due to the physical, mental, or psychological unavailability of said person, I find myself giving a lot more to these relationships than they deserve, and this has left me a bit of a wreck. It is both exhausting and disheartening to invest in these relationships, but I cannot stop. What is it with me and latching onto people who are, for whatever shortcoming of their own (or is it my own shortcoming?), unable to return a friendship or relationship with the same level of commitment I do? And why the hell can I not dump these people? It is not like I am hard-pressed for friends. I have never regarded myself as someone who is desperate for human interaction, but it is these stupid relationships that leave me questioning the state of the world and humanity as we know it.

Now this is not to say that everyone I meet falls into this category. In fact, far from it. I have some of the best friends anyone could ask for. I have met some of the best people you could ever hope to meet. It is these little hiccups along the road, however, that remind me why it is so hard to make new friends. People are insane. Everyone. Me more so than others, I will be honest. But I need to set a limit on just HOW MUCH insanity I can deal with. And why cant people display their true colors early on in a relationship? Why do they have to wait, four, five, six months to unleash their craziness on me? I am on to you, crazy people!

This blog was not sparked by any particular person or any recent event. It is something that has been building in me for a while, and since people are bored on a Friday at work, I figured why not share it. I think this is something everyone goes through at some point: you find a person that you give so much of yourself to and it just is not reciprocated. At what point do you just cut your loses and run?