Topics after a bottle of wine...

Okay, I'm not going to pretend like we didn't consume a bottle of wine...each. That would be lying. And you all would see right through it. I'm extraordinarily good at lying, except when I drunk. I start to giggle, my face turns bright red and all is lost. Like right now. Except you can't see me laughing uncontrollably. The Internet is awesome that way.

Anyway, it's amazing the sorts of topics that come up when one has been drinking copious amounts of alcohol. Things that you would not normally discuss in every day conversation. Case in point:

In Germany, you do not buy your medicines at the grocery store or at your local Walgreens. You can get things like cough drops and vitamins there, but for most aspirins, sleep aides, etc., you have to go to die Apotheke. When you walk in, you're greeted by someone who I can only assume has some medical background, who proceeds to ask you why you are there. This was fine when I walked in needing a sleeping aide. I told her my problem, she pointed me in the right direction and low and behold, I found sleep that night with the aide of a non-prescription sleeping pill.

While this may sound like a wonderful thing, I can only imagine the conversation that would take place if one had, er, a...how shall we say? Blockage? Of the intestinal variety. THIS was the topic of conversation tonight. I was familiar with the protocol of the Apothekes in Germany, and contemplated for a good many nights before I left whether or not I should bring Miralax from home. Because I could not imagine walking into one of these establishments and proclaiming to the nearest person working there that I had a, er, blockage. I wouldn't even know how to say that in German. We decided tonight that the best phrase would be "Ich kann nicht Scheiße."

Right.

Let's all pause and think about the repercussions of such a statement. Because given my tenacity for truthful declarations of health-related ailments, this is EXACTLY what I would say to someone if I were looking for a laxative. Now imagine you are the person on the other end of such a statement. *sigh* Added to the list of things I'm bringing back to Germany from the states (including, but not limited to: Blue Cheese dressing, peanut butter and normal deodorant): Miralax.

I've also started to learn helpful conversational basics in Czech because we are going to be running the half-marathon in Prague in April. It's very difficult to track down an inexpensive Czech-German dictionary; it is nearly impossible to find one that is Czech to English. The weird thing is is that I can speak Czech really well, though I can't write it for shit due to their alphabet with 38...39(?) letters. Which is the exact opposite problem I have in German: I can write it just fine, but to speak it I sound like a moron. UGH. Languages, why do you have to be so difficult!

But I'm pretty damn excited about this half marathon, mainly because the only way my ass gets in shape is if there is a race looming in the distance. Though we didn't run tonight. Instead we went to the bookstore so John could pick up a "Deutsch als Fremdsprache" book and a Russian translation dictionary, and so that I could wander through the Penguin Classics in English. I picked up a copy of "The Great Gatsby" and "Northhanger Abby." Because I figured if anyone could help me regain my once stellar grasp on the English language, it is Ms. Jane Austen and her unwavering ability to use giant English words that no one uses anymore, except for pretentious English majors and assholes who think they are smarter than everyone else.

Okay, I think that is enough blogging for tonight. I must get to bed. Or tomorrow is going to be a ROUGH day.

But here is a video from one of the greatest bands ever. And if you don't laugh uncontrollably at this video, your sense of humor needs some fine-tuning!