Thursday, December 30, 2010

The New Decade Blog

So it has been a while since I have blogged. I have been out having adventures in the great city of Boise! So it is really not my fault. I am finding it so hard to believe that I have been here for two weeks already. And that I am headed back to Deutschland on Saturday. Wow. This is a little too much emotion for me to handle right now.

It has been very strange being back. It was strange when I first got here. I cried before the plane even landed. To see the City of Trees appear through the hills was more than I could handle. I think the guy next to me thought I was insane. Walking into my house for the first time in four months, nothing had changed. It was exactly as I had left it. My seasons of Star Trek were still neatly lined up next to my t.v. My tennis racket was still leaning up against the wall. My towel was still hanging on the door of my bathroom. I had apparently not emptied out the dryer before I left... And before I knew it, I had fallen back into the same routines I had before I left. I immediately drove to pick up my cat. And to see Vickie. And ordered a pizza from Guidos.

And the funny thing is, really, NOTHING has changed. It was almost as if I had never left. It is a very odd feeling knowing that I have changed, that I have started another life on the other side of the world, but this life is still here and it will always be here. And aside from a few haircuts, a couple of break ups and some engagements, everyone is exactly as I left them. My friends are still here, buildings are still is like I pressed pause on the movie of my life in Boise and just picked right back up where I left off. And apparently I have made a little bit of a mark here, too. It is fun to go into places that I used to frequent and have people who I didn't even think knew me comment that they had not seen me in a while. Oh, and running into people I know EVERYWHERE.

I had been so homesick in Germany and so ready to come back, and at the end of the two weeks here, I am ready to go back to Germany because I really do miss it. I miss my friends there and I miss my life. But I feel now that I am able to reflect on a few things....lets call it personal growth.

First off, I am so glad I came back home for Christmas. I think it has made me appreciate so much more this amazing opportunity I have to be in Germany, at my age. It was getting a little disheartening being here and watching all my friends get married and have kids and start careers and knowing that I am nowhere near any of that. But looking at it now, if I were married and had kids and a real job, I would not be living in Germany right now. I would fall victim to the monotony of real life. I have at least another 40 years before I will ever be this free again. Fuck--I packed up my life and moved to Germany! How many people can say that at the age of 26?

But I was also getting a little burned out over in Germany. And I know that if I had not come home, I would have pissed and moaned about wanting to be back in America. I feel like being back in Boise and seeing all my friends and family has given me the extra kick I need to make it through the next nine months. Because I know that I can always come back to this life; I wont always be able to go back to my life in Germany. And truth be told, I actually MISS being over there. I found myself talking A LOT about Saarbrücken and my friends and all the fun adventures that I have been on. I think my German has turned to schieße (despite Estelle's repeated efforts to get me to speak German over skype. I quit a while ago and started writing in English. Sorry, Estelle). But I am now more motivated than ever to really get this German language acquisition thing rolling. Shit, kids! It is a new year! A new decade! Why the hell not?

Now here comes the honesty train...I am actually a little teary-eyed writing this blog. I have never been an emotional person, but having to say good-bye to people all over again sucks. It sucks big time. I am so fortunate to have the amazing friends that I do. I challenge anyone who thinks they have a more loyal or a more supportive group of friends than me. Being away has really made me appreciate just how fucking awesome each one of my friends is(and honestly, being here has made me appreciate my amazing friends in Germany). And I know someone is going to roll their eyes at this next part, but I am going to fucking miss my cat Lucky. I know I am going to see him when I get back, but I cannot explain to him that I am not giving him away. This cat has not left my side since I have been home, and it breaks my heart to know that he doesn't understand that I am not abandoning him. Where is that fucking cat whisperer when you need him??

So that is that. Tomorrow is New Years Eve, and I am looking forward to starting this new chapter of my life. I will write my obligatory New Years Day blog when I have my lovely 3 hour layover in LAX. But for now, I hope everyone, near and far, has a happy and safe New Years!

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