Flying High...on...Life?

Last night, at the ripe old age of 27, I made my theatrical debut, if you will, and managed to both not suck and not throw up on myself or my fellow actors on stage. Given the fact that I love attention and constantly have to be the center of it, it is surprising to me that it took me this long to discover theater--where everyone MUST be focused on me. I mean, they PAY to be focused on me. What a nice little ego trip! All that aside, though, I think I have never done theater simply because I could not eat, I could not sleep and I kept having nightmares where I could only remember my lines in German, which is completely improbable because I do not speak German, but the fear was there, nonetheless. I am not cut out for that kind of pressure!

The strange thing is (well, is it really that strange?) given all the pressure and nerves and the quick weight-loss scheme, last night was one of the best nights I have had in so long. One of the best nights that I can remember. And it was not just actually being in the play, but belonging to something so awesome as ACT (the English-speaking theater group on campus). As we all huddled around the stage before the show getting our lovely pep-talk (which consisted of more than "you had better not fuck up, ha!") I looked around and realized this was one of the first times in my life where I was surrounded by a group of people...and I liked every, single one of them! More than that, I respected every single one of them, and felt so honored to be let in this tight little circle (most of the people involved in ACT have been involved for several years). I felt like possibly, the little evil gremlin that resides inside me was shut up long enough for me to enjoy myself and the company of truly wonderful people. Dare I say, I even got emotional and may have teared up a little bit. I fucking hate having ovaries.

Well fuck this. Now I am super pissed. Go figure, I have two months left in Germany, and I finally, FINALLY start to really enjoy it here. I have been so excited to go home, and now, I really do not want to leave. I am not ready to leave behind the friends I have here (though friends, if you ever want to visit Idaho, you always have a place to stay! Seriously! Just give me a weeks notice). Why in the hell could I have not felt this way six months ago?? I think this is always the case--it takes so long to really warm up to a place and feel comfortable with your surroundings and with different people, and when you finally do, you have to leave. I guess the one positive thing is that I am going to leave Saarbrücken on a high note, and I could not ask for anything more. It really is crazy all the dramatic ups and downs living abroad has thrust upon me, but it has made me grow as a person, and I am excited (and scared shitless) to see how the changed me will influence my friends and family at home. Hopefully they have not all grown accustomed to grumpy mcgrumpants.

Oh, and if you are interested in coming to see our show (and if you are in Saarbrücken, you had better be!) we have performances again on campus July 11, 12, and 13th. I will be littering facebook with advertisements very soon.

In the meantime, photos!

"Enigma Variations"


After-show party!


Thanks, Achim, for the amazing group shot!