Mo' Cal in SoCal

So for the first time ever, I visited the great city of Los Angeles. I use the term "great" to describe L.A., not just because I thought it was a fantastic place full of so many different types of people with so many different things to do, but great in the sense that, holy shit, it was huge.

My flight arrived at 9:50 p.m. on Friday, and as we flew over the vast expanse of lights and freeways and oceans, I couldn't help but compare the thousands upon thousands of people driving along the multiple freeways to platelets in veins. The red brake lights and white headlights looked like thousands of tiny platelets traveling through the vast networks of roadways and freeways and highways. It was all very fascinating. Had the fat dude on the plane not have been all up in my shit, I would have tried to get a picture, but his ginormous, varicose-veined calve was on top of my carry-on. You'll just have to use your imagination.

Promptly upon arriving in L.A., I met up with my friend Amanda and she took me to this wonderful place called Alibi for a vodka soda ($7) and some delicious prime-rib tacos (also $7). She told me about the new food trucks, started by the chef of this restaurant, that sold food out of these massive truck-kitchen things. Hmm...can we say taco truck?

Next, I met up with Alice in WeHo (West Hollywood: ). She said I would know it when I saw all the fags. I thought she said bags, until I rolled up in my rented Pontiac on Robinson and saw, well, a sea of gay men. As far as the eye could see. And not just any gay men. Well-chiseled, well-manicured, well-dressed, HOT gay men. We went to a bar called East-West, where I met a ton of Alice's friends and was treated to the tallest vodka-soda ever. Oh, did I mention there is no smoking in L.A.? FANTASTIC! I woke up the next morning in my hotel smelling of incense, and not cigarette smoke.

Saturday, my cousin Robin, her finance, and Alice and I hiked up this big-ass hill to Griffith Observatory. I consider myself pretty much in shape, but I guess not being exposed to warm weather kind of snuck up on my body, and by the time we reached the top, I looked like I had just run a marathon in Tijuana. Note to self: gray is not a good exercise color for the excessive sweater. We ate at this cute little cafe called Trails () and I had a goat cheese, tomato and basil something or other. Quite tasty. And just what I needed to off-set the smell of sweat.

Griffith Observatory was amazing and the views of Los Angeles were SPECTACULAR!




It was my first time visiting an observatory (at least that I can remember. I'm sure I went to some crappy one in elementary school on a field trip, but I don't remember). Mind you, for a hard-core science fiction geek, this was the coolest thing I had ever seen. How I had never been to one of these things, I do not know. Here are just a few killer pictures. Ah, I love it. We went to a planetarium show, though I can't remember what it was called, and for once, there was no motion sickness! I was too fascinated with everything that was going on around me. I felt like yelling, "make it so, number one!" Though I'm sure that would have officially outed me as the biggest, sweatiest nerd there.


























Oh, by the way, there is an awesome view of the Hollywood sign from the observatory. Oh wait, Los Angeles decided to sell "the peak" to private land owners? And those land owners want to develop the property? I smell protest!
Normally, that says Hollywood. But on the faithful weekend that I am in L.A., it says "Save the Peak." God I hate protesters. Not that you can tell from this picture anyway, but I was too pissed to get a good shot.


I stayed with my friend Desiree Saturday and Sunday night. Sunday, we decided to take her ocean kayaks to Malibu and ride around. Um, yeah, only been sea kayaking once, and was not entirely pleased with the high tide rolling around. We sucked it up though and made it out on the water. It's kind of unnerving thinking about the fact that while you're paddling around out there, there's about 200 feet of vast ocean beneath you. Probably something out of "The Abyss" or some shit like that. James Cameron, why must you make me afraid of the ocean??? That being said, though, it was a blast. I found a tennis ball, which I named Penn and promptly left on Desiree's front porch furniture. Lame. And I didn't fall out, that was until we were coming back in and this giant wave flipped my kayak, hitting me on multiple points on my body, causing me to lose the oar (oh, but not before it hit me in the head) and my sunglasses. Both were recovered.


On Monday, I did all the touristy stuff and went down to Hollywood. I'm just going to include pictures because I'm sure you don't need me to tell you step-by-step what I did. There were hundreds of people huddled around trying to get photos of their favorite celebrities stars or hand prints. It looked like Disney World over spring break, complete with lots of small children trying to get pictures with their favorite characters, a burned-out looking Marilyn Monroe (oh God, she looked like she'd been ridden hard and put away wet), and an Elvis and an Elmo who both accosted me because they liked my shirt. And let me just say this, Hugh Jackman, you should be embarrassed. I though Wolverine would have bigger feet. For shame.


After paying $15 for two-and-a-half hours in a parking garage (Sarah: -10), I decided to go walking around all the mansions in Beverly Hills.

Now here I go. I've seen large houses before. I've seen people with some sort of self-desire to flaunt their wealth in entirely ridiculous, austentatious ways. But you have got to be kidding me!


Because nothing says "I'm super awesome" like a giant stone arm holding up your mailbox.










Or having a home bigger than my parent's neighborhood (I didn't have enough frames to really show the expanse of this property). I'm still not entirely sure who lives here, but they must be famous because the Starline tour bus makes a regular stop here.


The kid who drove out of this house had a pimped out Escalade and proceeded to honk at me as I ran by. Sorry, dude. Your parent's have obviously been hit by the economic crisis in California because they bought you a piece-of-shit Escalade and not a $100,000 Beemer.


So that was my trip to Los Angeles. I can't wait to go back! Hopefully for longer than 3 days.