Dragging my Feet

Today is my last day in my dorm room. Despite the fact that my lease actually officially ends on Sunday, the Hausmeister has to come "inspect" my room to make sure I have not stolen anything or damaged anything, and he was very adamant about doing this on Friday and not giving me the weekend to get my things sorted out. Even though I am fairly certain he did not do this with my room BEFORE I moved in. Oh well.

For whatever reason, though, I am just so not motivated to pack my things. I think because packing my things signals that the end really is near. I have sort of been able to delude myself into thinking that I still have more time. But having to move out of the place I have lived for the past year is pretty much a clear indication that this experience is almost over.

I am very excited, though, to be able to spend my last couple of weeks with Carrie and Jan. If they are able to handle me living with them for that period of time, I will be convinced that we are all soul mates and they need to move to Idaho with me asap. I mean, Jan did offer some rather radical surgical operations to gain my affection...

Yesterday I also had coffee with Frau Schmitt who, it must be said, is undoubtedly one of the sweetest people I have met over here. I am so glad she was one of my teachers for an entire year, because I really did learn a lot from her. It made me incredibly sad, though, because I am pretty sure that was the last time I will see her. I held myself together fairly well, but of course, started crying as soon as I got home. And Denise is leaving on Friday as well, and I cried again last night. This whole "good-bye" thing is more exhausting than running half-marathons! I need to get a grip on my emotions.

I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I am also so physically exhausted. I have not been able to sleep very well the past few nights, because I am one of those oh-so-fortunate people whose brain goes into overdrive mode when I am faced with impending separation or stress, and I continually wake up in the night panicking. I guess my body's way of dealing with stress is to deprive me of sleep until I go completely insane and lose my entire grip on reality. Makes sense. Thanks, body.

But the good news is, Kristin and my sister will be here in less than a week. I hope that traveling around for a bit will take my mind off things, because right now, the thought of no more movie nights with junk food, no more films in German, no more dinner-drink adventures with ACT friends is making me teary-eyed again. Oh, fuck, where the fuck are my fucking tissues??