Today I have my final test in Studienkolleg--it is the same test I took when I first got to Germany, the same test I took in February which placed me into a super high level of German (which I am still not convinced I belonged in) and it is the same test that is probably going to cause me to have a nervous breakdown in the next five hours. The only way I could be MORE excited to take this test is if it included a free cavity search by Glenn Beck.
The funny thing is, as I was studying last night, I finally had an "OMG, THAT is how that works" moment with regards to something that has been plaguing me with German grammar. The complexity of German grammar, I have to say, is very similar to how I would imagine constructing a car would be. There are all these tiny parts that, alone, make no sense, but put together, produce one sweet-ass ride. I have been completely lost this entire semester, trying to figure out why we turn verbs into nouns and nouns into verbs, which verbs take the Akkustiv, Dativ, Genativ, etc., Relative Clauses, Participle construction, Konjunktions, all that fun stuff. It made no sense. But, whilst staring down my sample E-test, it finally all clicked. I mean, I GET it now. At least I hope I do. I guess the test will be the deciding factor in all that.
Today also marks the day where I launch into official crazy, get ready to go home mode. It starts out a small snowball, but that sucker is getting pushed down the hill, and I fear that the next five weeks are going to go by so quickly, I am not going to be able to process everything. Today is the test, followed by tech rehearsal, followed by two dress rehearsals this weekend, followed by three performances of our play. After that, Spain for a week. Then I come home, have one week to move out of my apartment, send stuff home, sell stuff I cannot take with me, etc., Then Kristin comes, then my sister comes, we go to Amsterdam, we go to Berlin, I come home and have two days before I fly back to America.
Where the HELL did time go?? Can it really be true that my time here is almost over? That I have only five weeks left in Deutschland? It somehow just does not feel...right. I remember before I left, we had a meeting at Boise State with the international office people, and they explained that, moving back home after six months or a year abroad, we would experience "reverse culture-shock." For the first seven months I was here, I could not imagine this--I loved everything America and disliked almost everything German. And then somewhere, everything changed, and I began to really embrace the Germans. And now I fear that this reverse culture-shock is exactly what I am going to experience when I get back to Idaho. I mean, shit, I caught myself at dinner the other night eating with my arms on the table! Knife in one hand, fork in the other! Which is what used to annoy me so much about the way Germans ate. 20 years of etiquette training out the window in one year. My mom is going to lose her shit when I come home for family dinner.
This entire experience has been surreal. Sometimes I think that it is not happening, that I am still at home, especially when I have to do mundane things like go grocery shopping. But then someone speaks German, and I look around and realize I am 6000 miles from home, and that all this really did happen, all this IS happening. I think back to my 18-year-old self frequently, and how, 9 years ago, graduating high school, I would never have seen myself living in Germany. Or trying to learn German. Or even back in school getting another degree. None of it. It is amazing how life can change in an instant.
But, as I have said before, everything in life happens for a reason. We all have a destination before us, and though we reach the end that we are supposed to, we have the option of taking as many different paths as necessary to get there. And that is where the unpredictability and excitement in life lies. I do not know what comes after this whole experience, but whatever it is, THIS experience will shape it in profound ways. I know it.
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