Wow. I never thought this time would actually come--my last weekend in Germany. I think I have been mentally prepping for this for a long, long time, but it still seems like it is a dream. I cannot believe on Monday I will be getting on a plane and flying back to America. Where everything is in English, the weather is not bipolar, and I can drive miles without seeing a town.
I have been quite sad about this move, but also very excited. I have never felt so mixed about anything in my life. I remember thinking before I left Boise "if I like Germany, I am going to stay over there." It is amazing how things are easier said than done, however. Packing up and moving an ENTIRE life is much different than packing up and moving for one year. And while I would love to stay, I think the best move for me right now is to go home, get my life sorted out and then go from there. As many people have told me, Germany is not going anywhere. If I really feel a strong pull to come back here in a year, two years, 10 years, whatever, this place will always be here (pending any alien invasions or nuclear wars, I suppose).
Even though I keep telling myself this, though, I cannot help but feel I am making a huge mistake leaving right now. I think what has made me love Germany so much is this moment: the people I have met, the places I have been, the life I have over here right now. Coming back would not be the same. I know this. Going back to Moscow is not the same as it was when I was there; going back to Arcata is certainly not the same. And I fear that leaving and coming back later will just mean I have to start all over again. And I do not know if I want to do that. I wish I could just freeze time right now, go back home, get things together and pick back up where I left off.
But I guess that is the great thing about friendships: true friendships are the ones where you can just pick up where you left off. And I know that the friends that I have made here in Germany I will be in touch with, probably for the rest of my life. And that is a wonderful feeling. I never thought, in such a short period of time, I would meet some of my best friends, people who I trust with my entire heart and absolutely love. It could be the greatest feeling in the world having met so many amazing people. But I also know that this is the sort of relationship I have with my friends in Boise, and I have no doubt that as soon as I get home, it will be just like old times. Life is definitely funny that way.
But for now, until Sunday, when I will write my final blog from Deutschland!